Healing
by ShenYue
Summary: Training at the Western Air Temple goes wrong and Zuko is injured. Katara is forced to examine her feelings before she is ready and the rest of the GAang continues to struggle coming to terms with the realities of war. Canon parings, before Boiling Rock
1. Chapter 1

I was writing this for my own speculation a while back…to visualize some things that could have happened in the temple to lead to Zuko being accepted…and wasn't planning on submitting it to anything…it's been a long time since I've wandered around , but…I decided that there wasn't enough Zuko pain around and decided it wouldn't kill me to post it…

As lighthearted and fun as Avatar is…it is about war and war does things to people that can never be undone. You have to make decisions and watch others struggle with the ones they have made. And sometimes things are just a little too clear-cut in the Avatar universe for me to be happy as I do dearly love my pain and suffering.

Not to mention…Toph got pretty petty at the end there where before she was just so insightful!

Even though I wrote this a LONG time ago and it is now AU I like it as character study even though everyone is a little OOC for I am so outa practice it ain't even funny.

No pairings really…but I like canon stuff so none of this Zutara nonsense.

Oh, and I don't own Avatar or things would have probably ended a little differently…

Please provide constructive criticism but if it evokes strong bad feelings don't hesitate to leave those either.

o.o

It was twilight.

Stars were winking into sight even as the warmth and power of the sun left his body reclaiming the energy it had lent him in the morning light.

It had been a week.

"…_I'll make sure your destiny ends, right then and there. Permanently."_

A sigh escaped from between his lips, visible as it hung in the air before him.

Of course he had not expected to be welcomed with open arms…betrayal cut deep. He knew that. He just couldn't help being impatient. Things were coming together…and he was a part of what was to come. For what was almost the first time in his life he knew what he had to do-knew his part in helping the Avatar realize his destiny.

It was his heart that told him he was in the right place. He had found himself among strangers and, what someday he hoped, people he could call friends. He wanted so badly to be a part of their family…to be able to remember what being part of a family meant and felt like.

His legs dangled over the edge of the temple and he thought.

About progress.

About scars.

About his uncle. Oh how he missed the old man. He would give anything, _anything_, to see him again if only for a moment. If only to say "I'm sorry."

"_I'm sorry."_

He'd been saying that a lot lately. Every time he made a mistake…or said something that earned him a glare from Katara. In the morning he would lick his dry lips nervously and open his mouth in greeting and her glare would glue the words to his throat.

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to disturb you." A whisper, grating, gravel between his teeth. He hated his voice, something which had been dried to dust and ash in the fires of adolescence since it had changed and he had stumbled, unready, into adulthood.

Like Aang.

Aang moved fast. Pangs of what at one moment in his life would've been jealousy were squelched by awe and pride. He was proud of the progress that the young monk was making and he made sure to tell him.

Away from Katara's too-keen ear.

Often Aang was nervous and it made it difficult to control the fire but a simple compliment did wonders for the boy's confidence. That and Zuko had told him that burns happen in training and it was to be expected-that you weren't training hard enough if someone didn't get singed.

It helped…but didn't completely alleviate Aang's guilt when he lost control of the flames and Zuko had to siphon them away, too quickly to harbor much control in the face of an Avatar's power, often burning his own hands as a result.

Amber eyes narrowed and he kicked his feet against the stone.

If he were better…if he himself was a better bender…he wouldn't get hurt. He wouldn't have to console Aang and hide the pain of his red fingers and palms. After such an incident he would always bow, grip Aang's shoulder in a friendly squeeze, ignore the stinging skin and tell him he would get the move tomorrow.

Cooling burn salve awaited him in his room…Katara's soothing voice and gentle hands awaited Aang. Disapproving stares were the only acknowledgment he received.

"Heh, burns happen…and anyway, these were my fault…" Aang's gaze was sheepish and aimed at the floor. "Zuko makes sure that I don't burn myself worse…"

His thoughts shifted.

"_Jerkbender"_

The young warrior had pseudo accepted that Zuko was going to be around for a while justifying his acceptance to his sister with "it's necessary…what's that saying? Friends close, enemies closer?" He would give the firebender a rough awkward pat on the back and whisper behind his hand: "Don't worry Jerkbender, she'll let up…eventually."

There was never any question in his mind which "she" Sokka referred to.

And it wasn't the blind earthbender.

Zuko liked her…she could stand to touch him…or at least enough to order him to cart her around. A half-grin graced his mouth. He didn't mind as much as he pretended…and she knew it.

The next sigh yielded a puff of flame. It was dark, he was cold. But he didn't dare rejoin the fire behind him that Aang had so joyfully started. He was plainly unwelcome…and even though he knew he deserved their suspicion, it hurt. Teo, The Duke and Haru were curious, that much was evident-but they didn't want to risk inciting Katara's wrath.

He didn't blame them.

Another bright exhale of flame and he absently touched his stomach as it growled.

He was hungry all the time. Firebending, training in general, was hard work and left him starving. Aang ate like an ostrichhorse, three or four bowls of rice and vegetables at least, and Zuko knew that, given the chance, he would too…but that was why he was sitting with his feet dangling…

"Could I have another bowl of rice please?" All idle chatter and laughter ceased. The glare he'd received was colder than the North Pole, her blue eyes turned icy with hatred. "Ah…Never mind…it was very good, thank you." He took the bowl with him; he'd wash it later and return it.

He'd waited a week…he'd gone to bed hungry before, he could and would wait as long as it took.

Flames shown in overly bright eyes as he stood and brushed the ancient dust from his pants.

o.o

She flexed her toes digging them into the dust and earth of the temple floor. It felt good to be able to do that again. Which meant she could see too.

Unfortunately, she didn't like what her earthbending revealed.

Everyone was laughing at something Sokka had said and she'd missed it because she had been watching the firebender. Zuko had gone to train in the darkness like he did every night. It was harder for him to firebend without the sun's power. It sharpened his reflexes and made him stronger.

She liked that about him. He strove with all his being to make something of himself, to be better. Of course he had made bad choices…they all had from one time to another. It was what made them human.

Her calloused fingers caressed a tiny imperfection in the clay bowl she held. It was half filled with her third portion of rice.

Zuko was hungry…all the time. The grumbling of his stomach was there as surely as the rocks under her feet were.

She stood, tracking his movements, and strode resolutely from the fire and her friends.

o.o

"34, 35, 36…" He counted through gritted teeth as he did hot squats over the fire he'd made. Sweat streamed from his face and dripped into the fire, sizzling. At 50 he stopped and began going through his forms, stance solid and sure, the motions settling his mind.

He added fire and pretended he was fighting the waterbender. Daggers, flame blasts, explosions-high, low, twisting, jumping, he was a lively spark burning through the cold night air.

It was difficult to bend; the moon seemed to fight him at every turn just like her bender but he was getting stronger. He created two giant fire whips and swung them through the air, mimicking the fluid movements he had seen Katara do in her training with Aang.

He paused. Panting. Waiting. His imaginary opponent was gathering her water when she changed. Azula stood before him-eyes blazing with hatred. He copied her motions, the fluid circles, and blue lightning sizzled at his fingertips and lanced towards the apparition. It sang through his veins and the air.

She disappeared.

His vision swam and a let himself fall backwards onto the grass, gasping for air as his sight returned to normal.

He felt empty in mind and body. It was unsettling.

Footsteps!

Jumping to his feet, heart pounding, daggers blazing, he stood to face his would-be attacker.

"Whoa, whoa Hotfoot. It's just me."

The blind girl. The nicknamer. Toph. Hotfoot?

"Sorry, I thought…" He sat down.

"I could hear your stomach all the way back in camp." Her grubby hand shot forward. "Here." Zuko was hesitant. "It's not poisoned." It was said with a laugh and he took the bowl. "I'm not Sugarqueen."

She plopped down beside him and he glanced sidelong as he brought the rice slowly to his mouth.

"She's just worried…you know?" His heart jumped in his chest. "…Aang…he could die…we could all die." Zuko chewed. "No one wants to think that…but it's true." Swallow. "And she's confused I think…maybe they all are…" Another mouthful. "They just don't know what to make of you."

For a few minutes there was only the muted clink of chopsticks on clay. When he had finished he set the sticks together on the rim of the bowl, placing it on the ground. Something somewhere in the darkness chirped.

"And what do you make of me?" His voice was the rasp she'd grown used to hearing, dusky and rough, like the earth she so loved, though now it was tremulous. His heart was thudding painfully in his chest. Toph smiled a bit at his nervousness, Zuko's heady pulse loud in her body.

"I think you've always been honest." Thudthudthudthudthud. "And that means something to me." The frantic beat slowed and returned to normal. The extra rice fortified him almost as much as Toph's words. She was truthful and that gave him hope. She stood to leave and he handed her the empty bowl.

"Thank you." He said.

"Anytime." She paused as he remained sitting. "See you later." She stuck out her tongue and felt the ground tremble with a silent chuckle.

o.o

It was dawn.

Agni's light lanced through the open windows of Zuko's barren room illuminating the glinting dust that hung heavy in the air and kissing the paintings of his mother and uncle with a soft golden luminescence.

It had been a few days since his talk with Toph and things had been steadily improving with the group…save Katara. He grinned in spite of that. Toph had surprising insight and this had strengthened his relationship with her.

He breathed deep, a warm calm settling over him, and began his morning meditation. Though Aang should have been sharing this time with him Zuko decided to let him sleep. The monk had mastered a difficult form yesterday but was still frustrated with his stance. He couldn't seem to find the balance between his feather light airbending, the solid earth or the fluid water. Fire was different…but the same. Zuko smiled as he thought of the things his uncle had tried to teach him about all the elements sharing things with each other, offering to teach if one only had the mind to listen.

"He'll get it." Zuko said to himself, breathing deeply and centering his mind while gathering his courage.

'She'll be awake. She's always awake, cooking breakfast.' More so than any other morning he was nervous. He would say something today. No one else would be awake. The Duke and Teo were almost as bad as Sokka when it came to waking up. And he, Haru and Toph only showed their faces when they smelled food. Scrubbing a hand through his messy hair, thinking absently of a bath, he winced as he too late remembered his sensitive palms, yawned and tied his belt, stepping into the empty bright hall.

He strode to the open area that had become the center of their life at the temple. Sure enough, she was there, struggling with the remnants of the fire. It had been a damp night and even after removing the moisture from the wood it wouldn't catch. She was so engrossed in her struggle she didn't notice him approach until he cleared his throat in an attempt to not startle her. Lips pressed tightly together and face screwed up into a signature glare she turned to him.

"What do you want?" Venom spread along the words and he gulped even as he came to kneel next to her. Amber eyes fixed to the wood he breathed deeply. 'Why is this so hard?' Laying a hand, still raw and sore from his last session with Aang, on the branches he brought them gently to life.

"I just wanted to say good morning." And he left. She glared after him willing herself to hate him more.

"They took everything from us…all of us…" It was her reminder, her mantra, the words were angry and whispered between clenched teeth.

o.o

"Katara's not watching today?" Aang glanced around. Usually she would park herself firmly on the edge of the training field, water skin full and waiting. It was almost midday and Zuko had decided that before lunch was enough time to go through a few forms and try to refresh his pupil's stance.

"I guess not…probably making the food." In truth that's exactly where she was…surprisingly Sokka had talked her into making "delicious meat" as he put it, instead of making Zuko squirm. Now he could really focus. "Your stance is your root." He began, taking on his Uncle impression and walking around the circle. "If your opponent breaks your root, he breaks you." Aang giggled and Zuko smiled, now that the young Avatar wasn't so tense maybe he could focus on perfecting his stance. "Now, let us practice." Aang hunkered into a passable stance and the firebender came at him. "Don't let me break your root!"

The sparring continued until Toph wandered in and announced it was lunch.

"He get it yet?" Zuko swiped a sweaty hand across his forehead.

"Yeah…yeah…he's doing great." Aang had floated away to tell Katara of his success.

"Gonna teach him lightning?" Zuko paused, blanching slightly at the forward question. "He's gonna need that…and be able to redirect it like your uncle. He taught you that, right?"

"Yeah…he did…"

"Good 'cause she'll do it again and so will your dad."

"I know…"

"After lunch then? I wanna watch."

"Sure…probably a good time…the sun will be waning, it'll be easier to guide the lightning." His stomach growled loudly and he groaned as he heard Toph's laughter.

"Come on Hotfoot…lets go eat…"

"Are you going to give me some of yours?"

"Depends on how fast you get me there, onward Hotman!" She pointed towards the rumble of the group and squealed when Zuko grabbed her and shoved her under his arm, streaking for the fire. "What…?"

"No time for comfort Miss Earth Rumble Champ!" She laughed and smacked his arm.

"Put me down!"

"Put her _down._" They stopped dead, the former prince's feet skidding slightly in the dust. Katara was in front of him water in her hands and ice in her eyes. The rest of the group was in a half circle behind her.

"Whoa, Katara…"

"Quiet Toph. Put her down right now." He complied slowly and took a step backwards away from the diminutive earthbender. "What were you doing?"

"She asked me to carry her."

"Oh really?" The water turned sharp and pointy, not at all what water was supposed to be. "Why was she screaming?"

"Now you just wait a minute Sugarqueen." Toph all but shouted into her face. The ice daggers melted. "First of all I can take care of myself. Second, he's telling the truth, we were just having some fun. And third, I don't scream." The seconds stretched on and Zuko swallowed nervously.

Momo chirped from his perch on Aang's head and broke the silence.

"So…who's ready for some chow?" Sokka marched back to the fire and everyone followed leaving Zuko alone with Toph and Katara.

"Be careful." She spat and whirled away, flinging her water behind her and splashing his feet. It was cold.

"I'm sorry Hotfoot…I should have thought-" He cut her off.

"No…this was my fault." Turning he patted her head sharply. "Sneak me some lunch?"

"Heh…I'm not called the blind bandit for nothin'."

o.o

Toph was true to her word. Lunch came to him quicker than he thought it would.

"It's awkward back there…so I took some to go." She handed him a bowl heaped with rice, vegetables and meat. She bent a bench from stone and pointed her chopsticks in the direction of his heartbeat. "I thought you'd be back in the training circle."

"I was practicing."

"Yeah…I can smell the lightning." They ate in thoughtful silence, Toph listening to his steady pulse. "Nervous?"

"…yeah…"

"She's gonna come watch."

"What!"

"I didn't say anything, Aang told us he was training with you after lunch." He slapped his forehead with a palm.

"She won't let me teach him…she doesn't think he's ready…"

"Do you think he's ready?"

"I think he's the Avatar." Her blind gaze was as incredulous as unseeing eyes could be. "Yes…I think he is ready. More than ready…as the Avatar he should be able to attain the balance required for it. And besides…creating it isn't the scary part." He took a resigned bite and she punched him hard in the arm, laughing as he pounded his chest to keep from choking.

"Ha, you shoulda seen me as a teacher!"

o.o

"Your mind and heart must be clear. You must be calm and focused. Only then can you separate the two energies Yin and Yang and produce lightning." He was nervous. Aang was nervous. They had an audience and they were staring. Katara's eyes seemed to drill a hole in the back of his neck like a badgermole digging through a mountain. He used the words his Uncle would use…but had dropped the voice. There wasn't enough pride left in him to sustain a blow like them laughing at him even if it was done to reassure his tense apprentice.

"Wait. Lightning?" Katara was in front of him, jabbing a finger into his chest with a staccato rhythm. "No. No way are you teaching him that, it's too dangerous and he isn't ready!"

"Katara." Aang's voice was quiet and she turned. "I need to learn this…The Fire Lord won't go down easily. I need all the help I can get and there isn't much time."

"He'll need to learn how to redirect it too." Zuko pointed that out and then stood calmly, waiting for Katara to let him go on. Flinging her hands into the air she stalked to the side of the ring, standing beside Teo who gave her a toothy grin. Zuko cleared his throat. "I'll show you first and then we'll practice the motions together." The monk nodded and Zuko summoned the lightning and watched it arc over the trees. "Remember…you do not control the lightning…you are just its guide."

"Heh…again? Maybe a little slower?" Aang scratched the back of his head and grinned a lopsided grin. Zuko's hands moved slower as he created the lightning and let it dance around is fingers. Beads of sweat shone on his forehead and he released the blue energy into the sky. "Okay…I think I can do that…" Zuko chanced a look at the crowd. Sokka's mouth was an 'o' of surprise and The Duke wore an expression to match. With his eyebrows raised Haru elbowed Teo lightly. Face an angry mask, Katara glared. Aang copied Zuko's stance and waited for his Sifu.

They began together. Zuko wasn't surprised to see the beginnings of blue lightning but whereas the firebender's lighting soared from his fingers Aang's blew up in his face. The force of the explosion drove him backwards across the ring. Katara was at his side before Aang even sat up.

"You!" She pointed angrily at Zuko. "What are you trying to do?"

"It's okay Katara, I'm fine, see?" A puff of air brought him back to his feet and he dusted himself off.

"Whoa! You're better than blasting jelly!" Teo shouted, laughing. One look from Katara was enough to send him and The Duke back to their exploring.

"That happened to me too." Fingers tingling he rubbed them lightly. "A lot."

"Maybe I just need to try again…" Brows knit in concentration, Aang preformed the move again.

And again.

And again. All with the same result. Zuko promised him he was doing the correct motion…just that something must be bothering the airbender.

"Your heart and mind must be clear."

"I know, I know! You keep saying that!" Aang was frustrated and daylight was disappearing. Toph yawned, picking her toes, and Sokka resumed polishing his blade and talking with Haru. Katara hadn't moved. 'Her face will get stuck that way.'

"You'll get it, maybe tomorrow but my fingers hurt…" Zuko assured as he sucked briefly on the tingly-sore digits.

"Err, I won't get it tomorrow, or the next day!" The lightning crackled around Aang's hands and Zuko crouched into a stance ready for whatever was coming though he didn't have a clue what it was. "I'll never get it because, because!"

"Aang...it's okay, just…calm…" the energy was bigger than before and Aang's grey eyes went wide and dark with fear just as an explosion of fire and smoke sprang from his hands. All the pent up anger and rage of an Avatar raced towards the surprised onlookers, coming within inches of their faces before it roared away, soot and hot air brushed past dusting them in black. Katara screamed and ran for Aang, water pouch opened and ready. But she needn't have worried…he was unconscious but mostly unscathed. Her fingers drifted over his soot covered body, checking for injury and finding his burned hands. Toph's face had drained of color and she rubbed her eyes vigorously, smudging the black all over her face. 'Zuko.'

He had realized what was going to happen. All Aang's fear and uncertainty and frustration had channeled into his bending. Zuko siphoned the resulting explosion trying to direct it over the cliffs of the temple and away from everyone else but unfortunately towards himself and he wasn't able to completely control the fire. This was unlike anything he had ever seen from Aang before. This was firebending at its worst- fueled by anger, frustration, and fear. This was an Avatar's strength and power. It scared him. He screamed.

Zuko couldn't feel just how bad it was, but he was aware enough to feel his skin blistering along his arms and the pain burning its way, white hot, into his mind. His chest felt as though it was on fire. Someone shouted, himself? And his mind and heart raced. 'Aang? Oh gods, Aang! Is he all right…? Am I all right? Oh Agni…please, oh gods…it's going to scar…' The pain was making him dizzy and breathless. Vaguely he heard Toph shrieking, screaming. 'She does so scream…' he thought, giddy with hurt, back to her words before lunch as he fell to his knees and then stomach, lurching onto his back. He felt numb and hot and sick and his thoughts didn't make sense. Everything was spinning as he turned sideways and threw up, touching his hands to the sun warmed stone made him reel in agony. This was worse than anything he had ever felt before-worse than his face, worse than being blown up by pirates worse than that all-over cold ache of swimming in arctic waters.

From where she was crouched next to Aang, hands gloved in glowing water, Katara glared sideways at Zuko…her piercing, unseeing, blue eyes stood out in her blackened face as they forced themselves into his world.

"You shouldn't have tried that with him…he wasn't ready!" He was panting, gasping, breath shallow and fast. Cold. When he had been so hot before. Seeping…stealing his sight as his pain filled awareness was painted black with ink.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews :3 still don't own Avatar! Enjoy!

There were few times in his young life that Sokka remembered being this scared. Losing mom certainly counted, Zuko barging into his life, his sister being buried alive by an insane general of the Earth Kingdom. He was almost paralyzed with shock, his own body jumpy with adrenaline as he witnessed Zuko's writhing, agonizing, collapse. Almost as quickly as it had shut off his mind switched back on and turned to the tall earthbender next to him. "Oh man…this is bad…Haru help me move him." Katara was busy with Aang, trying to get the monk to wake up. The flames were gone…it had been a quick, dry heat that had followed the call of what Sokka presumed to be Zuko's bending and had fled over the cliff. Not before burning the firebender quite badly, however. Toph had gently lifted him onto a slab with earthbending.

"D…don't touch him…it's bad…" She whispered as Sokka assessed, wiping soot from his clothes and skin unsuccessfully out of nervousness and an inability to do anything more. Zuko's chest was bare and burnt but his arms and hands had been hit the worst as they had channeled the fire's rage. His skin was blistered and raw, red and oozing. Thankfully his face was untouched-well…as untouched as it had been before.

"Katara…"

"What Sokka? Didn't you see what almost happened?" She was angry, thoughts and visions of Aang after what she dubbed "The Betrayal" flashed through her mind. His hands were fine now, whole and pink and healthy. He hadn't woken yet.

"Katara…we need you over here." The world had slowed down. Sokka had yet to be faced with injury this bad and he was thankful Zuko's horrible, raw scream had ceased the moment he'd lost consciousness. Angry, the waterbender left her charge and stalked over, shoving Haru to the side.

She promptly sank to her knees.

"Oh spirits no…" Toph was glad she couldn't see, just kept careful watch over Zuko's thready pulse. Toph wouldn't admit it but she was scared. When she had lived with her parents she had found an injured bird on the palatial grounds. She'd held it then, feeling its heart flutter, so like Zuko's, before it became still forever.

"Katara." Sokka gently laid a hand on his sister's shoulder. "Katara, he'll die."

"Haru…could you please carry Aang…?" The tall boy nodded. "Toph…I need more water…we need to get him to the fountain."

Her mind raced while on the outside she appeared to have recovered herself. 'He's going to die, he's going to die, I can't fix this, I don't have the water from the spirit oasis!' She walked next to the moving slab, Teo and the Duke met them, they had heard the screaming. Their eyes were wide and their faces chalk white. 'Oh no, oh no, oh no…it's bad…it's so bad…'

They were at the fountain now and Toph gently lowered him into the water. It turned red and oily before the natural cycle drew the dirtied water away. The shock of the cold liquid brought Zuko back to full awareness and he was pummeled with wave after wave of pain. He gasped…unable to draw enough air to shout and shook with enough force to make waves in the water. Tears welled in his wide, panicking eyes and he was transported swiftly back to the day he was scarred. The memory, redolent with even the smell of the salve used on his face, blazed hot in his mind. His dry mouth worked silently and he shook. Katara jumped in next to him and he groaned against the water buffeting his raw chest.

"…Uncle…Uncle..?" he whispered hoarsely, pleading almost soundlessly, looking around for that familiar kind face in a panic. Uncle was there before, why wasn't he here now? Where was he? Zuko saw only the waterbender, looming over him and glaring, always glaring. Moving, Agni, breathing was painful but he knew he had to get away only his limbs were weighted with lead. She would kill him for hurting Aang…or maybe he was dead? "Oh gods…he's dead…Aang's dead…I killed him…I killed him…I killed him…" His head lolled back and forth against the rim of the fountain in his effort to escape her gaze with his limited strength.

"Hey…hey Zuko…" it was Toph, next to him suddenly in the water, the lack of a nickname from that familiar voice snapped him back into reality and he gazed into her sightless eyes, sinking into their hazy depth. Her voice was an anchor…steady like a rock. "She's gonna fix you up, make you right as rocks…" Toph soothed, her small hands were on his face, in his hair, smoothing it back like her mother had done for her, like Zuko's mother had done for him. "I can't feel you in the water…I have to touch you to make sure you're okay…" Out of the corner of his eye he saw Katara with gloves of water preparing to touch him. He jerked sharply away and the resulting pain sent him away again into darkness.

o.o

Hours passed, night had fallen and Toph still had her hands fisted in Zuko's hair. The burns had diminished into something Katara hoped was no longer life threatening. She was exhausted and knew from past experience that this would take several sessions. Sokka and Haru were with Aang. He was still sleeping.

"He's hot…" Toph's voice was small. Katara let the water on her hands slide off into the fountain and touched his cheek and forehead with the back of her hand. He was shivering.

"A fever…or maybe he's always been this hot…I don't know…he's a firebender…I don't know…"

"He wasn't this hot earlier."

"We'll get him into a bed…I don't think he'll need the fountain again…I shouldn't have kept him in the water this long…" Her head hurt and she was tired…she didn't think she could stand. She was wet and cold and her heart ached with confusion. 'He could have let us die…he could have let us get burned...he didn't have to save us…he knew what was coming…he could have run…'

"How's he doing?" Katara jumped. It was Sokka. Rubbing a hand over his now clean face he sighed heavily. "Aang's just sleeping…we think…musta been a lot of power behind that blast…" He crouched outside the fountain leaning on the rim next to his sister. "How's he doing?"

"…Better…I think he'll be okay…he has a fever…we need to get him warm…" She stood shakily and stepped out of the water feeling the weight of her beloved element dragging her down as she waited for Toph to join her. The little earthbender was reluctant to leave but knew she needed to get warm and dry too. With a flick Katara bent the water from the both of them and streamed it into the pool trying hard to avoid looking at the exiled prince.

"All right, I'll take it from here; you and Toph go get some sleep." Together the two girls helped each other to Katara's room. Sokka watched them go.

"Why'd you go and do this to yourself, Jerkbender…?" After gently folding Zuko's burned arms over his chest he reached strong arms into the water and cradled the bender, lifting slowly. Zuko's head listed to the side and he moaned before squeezing his eyes tightly together. Sokka paused, and then hefted the limp body out of the water. He was heavy and soaking, water streamed to the stones below. Sokka could feel the heat of his skin through what was left of the clothes. "Oh Zuko…"

o.o

Toph lay awake, the slowed beating of Katara's heart offering little comfort. The waterbender had fallen asleep almost before she had made it to the bed and Toph had stayed, seeking assurance though she'd never admit it out loud.

Now she listened to the relative quiet of the temple. She could 'hear' Sokka next to the pounding that she associated with the falling water of the fountain but the pulse of Zuko was nowhere-still in the water she guessed. Sneaking a foot off the bed she gave the ground a gentle tap, listening to the echoes. Sokka and Zuko's hearts now overlapped.

'Carrying him then.'

Unexpected tears welled in her eyes and she dashed them away with an angry shake of her head. 'Of course he's carrying him!' She yelled at herself. 'He's half dead!' Pausing, she gained control of herself and tapped the ground again.

Aang. Presence as light as his feet. Sleeping. Haru. Watching? Not asleep. Someone to talk to?

She sat up, rubbing her eyes with fisted hands and frustration, and left Katara's room.

The stone floor of the temple was cool on her bare feet and she rubbed her arms against a chill that had nothing to do with the air.

She inhaled and the scent of rock, ancient, dusky, warm filled her nose and brought her a sense of comfort nothing else could.

Earth was the same to her…understandable-be it dirt…or stone…it was all old...and as unchanging as the past.

Not like people. Not like Zuko whose emotions were as changeable as the sea.

'But honest…always honest…'

Her mind kept presenting her with the memories of the afternoon.

She had felt Aang's frustration, his anger, his _secret_. And she had felt Zuko's heart beat faster, his breathing change, and his _preparation_ for something bad. She'd felt his shock, his heart almost stopping with the pain. She'd heard him shout and felt his stance shift as the heat of the flames, inches from her face, was sucked back to the steady point of the firebender whose presence was thrumming with agony.

All in a split second. Before anyone else had known what was happening.

In a split second she had tasted what this war could do to people-what it did to people.

Up until now, even during the eclipse, they had experienced little injury aside from Azula's inflicted wrath and even then they had had the miracle of the water from the Spirit Oasis. But this…this was Aang…he had a power inside him that troubled her, almost scared her-did scare her. His emotions were too conflicted for him to control the power…and now they had all seen what could happen. Zuko was right…he was meant to teach Aang…help him realize his destiny and hopefully take control of this dangerous tangle of emotion.

They could have died…they could have all died today had it not been for Zuko.

Toph was sure that was messing with Katara's mind and a ghost of a smile flashed across her face.

Aang's room. Quiet save for two hearts beating. She didn't bother to knock.

o.o

Sokka changed the former prince into dry pants and found the heavy stone jar containing what he knew from the smell was Zuko's burn salve, applying it liberally over the firebender's chest, arms and hands.

Zuko had only flinched and turned his head away at what Sokka thought must have been a terrible hurt. The lack of a real reaction is what scared him the most.

Gingerly he wrapped the former prince's burns lightly in bandages and pulled a blanket up to his chin. And waited. Zuko's breathing was labored and fast and a sickly pall had overcome his already pale skin. Sweat beaded on his forehead and slipped down his face into the pillow. Sokka sighed, leaving, only to return with a basin of water and a cloth which he soaked, wrung out and placed on the brow of his sister's patient…his, until very recently, enemy. Suddenly he missed his dad. He'd know what to do, what to say…He'd seen burns before-he could help.

For a while the only sound in the small room was the harsh gasp of Zuko's breathing and it made Sokka nervous how quickly infection had set in. He held no doubt in his mind that Zuko would live, the prince was strong and Katara would heal him, but he prayed to Yue there would be no scars…

o.o

Haru didn't know what made him stay with the airbender lying before him. Aang was unconscious…there wasn't anything he could do that hadn't been done already. Sokka said Aang was just sleeping…so why did he continue to sit here? The earthbender closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose until it hurt. Why are any of us sitting here? After what happened? After they had lost their families? How could he sit here…and be as useless as he was during the eclipse…?

He was no help then…he was no help now…what was going to have to happen before he realized that he would never be powerful enough to help the Avatar…?

"We're holding them back…Teo and The Duke too…we…we aren't useful at all…not here…"

"Why do you say that?" Haru jumped, jerking around to face the diminutive earthbending master. Gaze returned to the entire world's symbol of hope Haru shook his head wearily.

"It's the truth…what are we doing here besides distracting Aang from his training? It's more important now than ever that the Avatar masters all four elements…and he's not going to be able to do that with us in the way…"

"You're not in the way, Haru…you're training with me…getting stronger-that's useful." Toph hadn't known what to expect from coming to Aang's room…but this wasn't exactly anything she had considered.

"You should be training Aang."

"Why can't I do both?"

"It's complicated…these feelings! And no matter how I try to ignore these thoughts I can't help thinking them!" He had jumped to his feet and whirled on the small girl, yelling in spite of himself. Aang hadn't stirred and Toph hadn't been fazed. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay Haru! And it's okay to be confused…and angry and hurt because you feel useless." She aimed her sightless eyes at the ground. "We all feel that way I think sometimes…I do…especially when faced with something like what happened today…" With his hands clenched and arms at his sides he quelled the tears of helplessness and rage that threatened to overwhelm him.

"My dad went back into captivity to save me…and I let him go…like a coward I let him go…"

"Not like a coward…"

"Yes! I had a choice!" He flung an arm out in a wild gesture, forgetting for the moment that Toph couldn't see. Angrily he jabbed his chest in punctuation of each sentence-she heard only hollow thumping. "_I _left my dad! _I'm _failing my people! _I'm _distracting the Avatar! _I'm _sitting here doing nothing but selfishly standing in the way of Aang's destiny!"

"And what would you be doing in prison right now?" Toph shouted back, frustrated herself at feelings that had nothing and everything to do with her. "This is _war_ Haru! We do what we can to survive it, to keep living and finding the hope to do it!" Those tears again. "Companionship helps Aang more than you know…but if you feel that the best thing that you can do for Aang is try and free everyone than do it. But you aren't a coward Haru…plans fail…it's no one's fault and you aren't the only one who has these feelings-you are not alone."

Silence. Haru's next words were thick with emotion.

"I'll talk it over with everyone tomorrow…but for now we should get some sleep…it's all any of us can do right now…" He brushed by her and hurried down the hall.

Toph listened to his echoes fade into the stone.


	3. Chapter 3

Bare feet pounded on the floor of the temple, stinging with the impact and carrying Aang through the halls towards his firebending teacher's room. He skidded in the dust, stopping his dash with a blast of air, and stood, chest heaving, in the yawning doorway. Sokka, face tired and drawn, glanced over his shoulder at the young monk, eyes holding the surprise his features were too exhausted to register.

"No!" Aang fell hard beside Zuko's bed, letting the twinges in his knees flow over him, pained gray eyes taking in the sight of the felled teenager. His wind-quick gaze flicked over the prone form, quaking limbs, face so pale fluttering eyelashes seemed painted on with the blackest ink, cheeks flushed rose with fever, loosely draped bandages. The scent of the burn salve made bile rise in Aang's throat. "No, no, no, no, _no_!"

"Aang?" The warrior's heavy hand rested on his shoulder. "Aang…"

"It happened again! Again!" Tears streamed down his face. "I can't learn this anymore, I won't! I can't keep hurting people!" He gripped the sheets in iron fingers-fingers, Sokka noted, that had been as red and raw as Zuko's only yesterday. 'No scars.'

"Aang, it's okay, he's going to be okay." Even as he spoke the words Sokka couldn't help the pang of fear trilling up his spine and settling in his gut. Even if the burns themselves hadn't killed Zuko the fever or shock certainly still could.

"It's not _okay_ Sokka!" He closed his eyes tightly. "I could have killed all of you…all of you! If Zuko, if he hadn't been there…" Awkward silence. No one had the right to take another life...and if the avatar could just do it by _accident_!

"Is Katara awake, is she the one who told you?" She had been completely worn out when he'd gone to see her and Toph at the fountain. Her drawn, hollow eyes lingered in his memory. He was her brother! He was supposed to spare her this pain, protect her from all the nasty things in this world. Aang's scoff focused his wandering attention.

"No…I remembered what I did." Syllables bitten off, icy, tempestuous stare fixed pointedly on the too-fast rise and fall of Zuko's chest. 'Oops.'

"I guess she should still be sleeping then…she's fixing him up, you know with waterbending," he moved his fingers in a way that was supposed to indicate magic, "and she looked pretty wiped from last night." Aang's piercing eyes were filmed with tears and the silence was as pervasive as polar mice during a thaw. Sokka blinked hard, staving off sleep and a yawn. "Welp…" Threading bone-weary fingers together he cracked his knuckles. "Better go get her up anyway-can't be sleepin' all day…" He stood; arching his back to relieve the ache set in by playing nursemaid to the firebender for the rest of the night into late morning, and looked at his young friend. Stormy grey eyes were now fixed stoically on the face of his teacher. Sokka longed to relieve Aang of his guilt, his heartache, but knew from experience that this was a wound he was unable to soothe. 'Katara could…'

"Just go…" Chin now resting on folded arms Aang's voice both cracked and solidified Sokka's decision. Trying to forget about the airbender's wet eyes he turned and left him alone with his thoughts and Zuko. Aang listened to his heavy steps being swept away with the wind howling through the temple.

"I can't do this Monk Gyatso…I just can't…not anymore…" the tears came faster and faster-too fast for his frantic hands to wipe them away and he stopped trying and just buried his hot face in the cool sheets, shoulders shaking violently, heart hurting and mind racing. It was too much, too much for him to learn in such a short time-this was proof…there was no way he would be ready, he would fail the world! All the nations were counting on him, him! Alone! 'Not alone.' Yes alone! He argued with himself, going in circles, confused and angry until his eyes ran dry and his breathing calmed, watching Zuko, the prince who had chased him across the ocean and back, who had saved him, who was teaching him now. It was scary, he decided, that such a strong spirit could be reduced to a state so close to death. 'By my power…_I_ did this…' The figure before him stirred and grimaced, coughing weakly. Aang saw sluggish, unfocused gold eyes glazed with weakening fever beneath fluttering lids and sprang to his feet with an exhale, backing away nervously.

"…Uncle…" his voice, usually so warm, strong like a summer wind, was breathy, strained, and Aang fled from it.

O.O

In her dreams she was safe.

In her dreams her mother was alive and her life as a small child remained intact even as her family remained complete. There was no black snow here. No foreign metal ships. No aching empty hole left vacant by the Fire Nation's brutal theft.

In her dreams she could afford the luxury of sleeping in…

She could remember what it was like to play in the first snow fall of the season…

To cook with Gran Gran…

Canoe with Sokka…

Dance with Aang…

In her dreams nothing could hurt her-she was always the proud strong defender of those who could not defend themselves. She was a woman of the tribe, made an adult by her trials. She was the Painted Lady…she was free.

That night she did not dream. It was as though they had abandoned her to whatever fate awaited in sunrise. Her sleep was deep, black and all encompassing. A night shroud wrapped so tightly she could not escape. Katara wanted desperately to wake up and find that everything had been as the dreams she used to have.

She was disappointed and still dreadfully exhausted when Sokka dragged his booted feet into her room.

"His fever is pretty high…I couldn't get it to break. I'm sure there's an infection." She kept her eyes closed and felt the pallet dip as he sat heavily upon it. "I've been trying since you went to bed." He was met with silence though enough years of being her brother told him she was wide awake. "He needs you." Nothing. "The burns…they'll scar." She was struck again with the fear that had consumed her yesterday only this time she countered it with her mantra, convincing herself she hadn't cared-just been shocked by such extensive wounds. 'They took everything. They stole what they wanted and left the rest to burn!'

"So what if he has a few more scars. At least this time he'll have a matching set!" Sokka closed his eyes for a heartbeat at her words. 'She's just upset…she doesn't mean that…'

"You don't mean that." She let it go and sat up, running tired fingers through her tangled brown waves.

"I need to start..." she paused unsure of the time "…cooking…" Katara decided that was close enough. "…I'll start healing _him_ again in the evening." Hurried steps carried her away from her brother and his pained look and when he finally rejoined her near the fountain she was already rhythmically stirring some rice porridge and vegetables with gentle waterbending taking solace in that which was familiar.

"After lunch I think I'll take a nap…" it was said around a yawn and for what seemed like the thousandth time that morning Sokka rubbed his stinging bloodshot eyes in an attempt to rid them of their heaviness.

"Yeah…you must be tired." The brevity of their earlier conversation hung between them, dark, foreboding and the warrior lamented the loss of his sister's compassion. There was a time once when she would have helped Zuko, anyone from the Fire Nation really, without so much as a second thought. The hatred and pain she had associated with the young prince was filling her up he decided and he hoped, somehow, he could stop it from filling her up entirely. "What?" He'd been staring.

"Nothing, just thinking."

"Oh." When had words become so forced between them? The smell of food brought the others to the big open area overlooking the cliffs and The Duke couldn't stop his sidelong glances at the falling water of the fountain.

"Where's Aang?" Teo inquired looking around as he accepted the meal Katara passed around.

"Haven't seen him." Toph replied, slightly disappointed when her joke elicited no response in the oppressive air. After Haru had left her alone in Aang's room last night she had stayed to speak at the Avatar. She hadn't been surprised when it left her feeling as empty as before or when the smell of food had woken her, and she found herself draped with a blanket with the airbending monk nowhere to be found.

"Even though Aang isn't here…Teo, The Duke and I need to talk to all of you…" Haru looked into his bowl as Katara finished dividing lunch and sat back, becoming part of the circle. "We're leaving today…to save our families." The waterbender felt a familiar rage building inside her, squashing any sadness closing her throat from hearing the sudden news. She jumped to her feet and the clay bowl she had been holding slipped from her quaking fingers and cracked on the stone floor in the same moment, congee spread among the shards. Everyone's attention was now focused on her and she shook her head angrily, heat building behind her eyes.

"Now he's tearing _this_ family apart!"

"Katara…I think you're confused-"

. "I'm not confused! I hate him! Him and his people!" She closed her eyes against the onslaught of tears and twisted her fingers into the fabric of her dress gripping it until her knuckles were white and her hands ached. "Why do they get to live peaceful happy lives while the rest of us struggle and die and watch our families being ripped to pieces?" Everyone was stunned and silent, hands clutching cooling bowls of rice porridge. It was Toph who spoke first and quietly-contemplating.

"Their families _are_ torn apart Sugar Queen…every time someone's dad or mom goes off to fight…" Her face was sad. "Sometimes…sometimes they don't get to go home either." No one spoke for a few moments.

"It's not Zuko…" Haru's eyes were staring across the divide.

"What?" Bitterness tainted her arctic voice, poison spreading on her tongue.

"It's not Zuko…that's making us leave." Teo and The Duke nodded carefully and Teo chewed his bottom lip nervously. "We have to rescue our families and you need to focus on training Aang."

"You don't have to do this alone. We can come with you and-" Katara wanted so desperately to keep everyone together. There was safety in numbers; there was safety in family-in a tribe!

"No." Haru's voice was strong and sure as stone. "When I first met you I had thought the people of my village were lost. You helped them find their way, risking yourself in the process without asking anything more than hope in return." He stood and strode to her, standing before her and taking one cold hand. "You gave me, us, the strength to make this decision. I know it is the right one…and I know we will meet again someday, after Aang has made the world right again and the four nations can live together in peace." She swallowed and looked away a shamed blush lighting her cheeks as the earthbender hugged her tightly. "I promise we'll see each other again."

"Appa and I can take you topside." Sokka resumed eating, sadness building deep in his heart. "After we eat."

"I'm not hungry anymore…" In Katara's wake the air in the temple grew weighty and somber and awkward.

O.O

In his nightmares he was condemned by sea-cerulean and gilded eyes.

He was haunted, hunted by his past mistakes.

He burned.

He sweltered. He fought, thrashing in the pits of his own hell-the one he had created for himself. There was no one to blame. He ran, legs moving in slow motion, never fast enough, never _good_ enough.

He longed for the soothing presence of his uncle. He could take away this infernal heat and chase away the shadows of that Agni Kai. The old man would sing maybe…oh how Zuko missed that… how he had fought against loving every verse.

When he finally dragged himself out of the mire his self-conscious had become he was not greeted with the warmth of the sun filling his body with strength but with pain. It was bone-deep and he fought against crying out-pleased when only a strangled, choking cry tore itself from his throat. No good would come of someone hearing him. 'Assuming they would…' It was difficult to tell where this hurt emanated from for he felt scalded all over. An eerie cool enveloped his limbs but a slow fire smoldered in his nerves. Was he on his ship? No, no his uncle would be there with balm and soothing words…it would be his _face _swathed in bandages…

And then he remembered where he was…_when _he was…and closed his eyes to escape the onslaught of burning memory. 'Oh Agni let everyone be all right…please…please…' his resolve vanished even as he desperately clung to it and he felt tears, whether of pain or fear he did not know, roll hot down his cheeks. He was exhausted and even breathing was painful and difficult, made no easier by the sobs he struggled to keep silent. Part of him rationalized that Aang must be all right or he would be dead if Katara kept to her threat but it brought him little comfort. 'I'm so bad at this…I should never have come here…' Somehow he managed to compose himself frustrated with the tears he was forced to leave drying on his cheeks. 'I'm so useless!' A whimper escaped before he could stop it and then another one. As his awareness increased so did the sting of being so completely alone and this time his weeping was loud in his ears and he grit his teeth against the ugly noise. 'Stop, stop, stop!' Another pained, choking, suffocating sob and he closed his eyes tightly. 'Please! Please…' Zuko's wish was granted by flagging strength drained by sorrow that stole his breath and dimmed his vision until all thoughts in his mind faded away and left him to his dreams.

O.O

The sun was descending, sinking into the hills and haloing them in shining gold. Katara stared for a few moments, cold eyes reflecting warm yellow, stopped as she was outside a room filled with suffering. She had heard him crying through the closed door behind her and something inside her chest twisted. Katara was angry at herself because she cared. 'He's not like me. He's not even human…he's a monster.' More and more she had to remind herself that he was not like them. He was a traitor, to Aang and his own people. He was evil-just waiting for the chance to strike at them in their sleep.

After Haru's terrible news she hadn't wanted to stay in her circle of friends anymore. In truth she wanted to run as far away as she possibly could. She had meditated for a while in an attempt to settle her racing mind and ignore her duty but Zuko needed help…and Sokka had said he had a fever. 'I'm a healer…this is my job…it doesn't matter who the patient is…he's just a patient.' With a deep breath she steeled herself against his presence and pushed open the door to find him sleeping or unconscious…she didn't know or care which. It only mattered that she wouldn't have to face him awake. She sat by him, on the old stool Sokka had placed there, and noted the sweat and tears still on his face. 'He's pale…he's hurting even though he's not awake.' Her heart skipped a beat. She was struggling. 'Focus on your job Katara.' Fingers she couldn't stop from shaking gently lifted away the sticky gauze and she winced, shame filling her up. The wounds had been so bad and even after a night of healing they were still red and raw. She recognized the smell of infection and another medicinal smell she associated with Zuko and wrinkled her nose, gloving her hands in water and laying them over his chest.

Before he had done the same thing to the logs in the fire pit with fingers that were now almost useless. Fire and warmth had blossomed under his touch.

'No. Pain and destruction and death.' She pushed the water deeper seeking the undamaged flesh underneath the burn and imbuing the healthy cells with water, with life, watching the ruined surface shrink leaving behind new pink skin. 'Fire consumes everything…it burns and steals until there is nothing left…it's dangerous…' Sitting back she sighed, already tired…and his arms, his hands, were so much worse than his chest. His stomach was moving frantically up and down with his panting as he trembled with fever and pain, coughing weakly when his breath caught in his throat. Zuko was extremely sick she realized, nurturing the kernel of fear taking root in her heart. Sokka had told her that the firebender _needed_ her and she had left him in here alone for the rest of the afternoon burning with fever and weeping from pain as she wallowed in her own memories earlier that day. He could have died in here today, alone, with no one to even _pretend _to love him, regardless of her healing last night. Katara set her gaze and shook those thoughts from her mind. 'He's a monster.' Roughly she attacked his right arm with her glowing water. "A thief." A pained and shaky moan, his face twisted away, hiding his rough scar and revealing how handsome he could have been. It only made her angrier.

She sobbed.


	4. Chapter 4

It was night when Aang finally returned and found the camp empty save for Toph who sat with her knees in her chest by faintly glowing embers, poking them with a stick trying to coax them back into life. Their dim light reflected on her face and distant, shining eyes.

"Hey Twinkletoes…we were looking for you…" She stopped her prodding. "Sugar Queen's on healing duty. Snoozles is frustrated because Hotfoot's got a fever nothing can fix." Without turning toward him she struck her arm out resolutely, a full bowl clutched in her hand.

"I'm not hungry." He sat by her and raised his hand, pausing a moment as he was held still by his own furious shame and heartache, breathing his own energy into the smoldering wood as the blind earthbender threw another log onto the fire, Toph not even flinching at the exploding heat. He was the Avatar…human spark-rock…the only firebending he could safely execute without turning the ones he loved to ash. Even that small bit of bending made him want to recoil his hand and close it to fire altogether. 'I could have killed them all…I _almost_ killed them all because I'm too weak to control myself!'

"Haru, Teo and The Duke left this morning…they're going to rescue everyone, or at least try." The dry, resin filled branch popped and crackled in the quiet dark, throwing happily dancing sparks high into the air. "Why'd you leave? Meditating or something?"

"I was scared."

"Oh…" She resumed beleaguering the flickering boughs, angry for feeling angry and knowing she had right to feel that way. "You're lucky you know…that you can just _leave_ like that."

"I'm not lucky. I was just…afraid." 'Ashamed…'

"What are you afraid of? Everyone here's been protecting you." 'Everyone left _everything _just to help you…to give you what _you_ want!' Toph would admit later, in the sanctity of her own isolation, that she was just being bitter. It wasn't fair that Aang could run off whenever he saw fit to leave the rest of them worried and afraid he would never come back. It wasn't fair that he felt he was the only one who could make a difference. It wasn't fair that the whole world was depending on a twelve year old boy to save them! But life wasn't fair and as the monk he was Aang let her comment roll over him, settling in the ancient earth of a temple now occupied by only one airbender.

"I'm afraid because I keep making mistakes and hurting people…even though I'm supposed to be saving them." Tears welled in his eyes. "I'm afraid because there's this _power_ in me that can kill people-that almost killed all of you." 'Zuko is dying.' He pressed his face to his knees. "I'm afraid because I can't control it…because…"

"Because of what?"

"…I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"I just can't, okay?" He yelled and the old, freezing stone absorbed the echoes. Toph waited for the resonance to fade until she began again, softly.

"It's not okay anymore, Aang. Not when keeping it hidden inside you can cause something like this to happen." She remembered Zuko's pain and fear and shuddered, squeezing her knees with trembling arms tightly against the memory. "You can't afford to be angry and frustrated…we need you and if you're too caught up in all the worldly things you're always saying you can't be caught up in, we're going to die." It was blunt. Like rock, solid and truthful. A boulder of fact he _knew_ forcibly thrown at his head. His heart skipped in his chest.

"I know…"

"Do you?" She whispered, voice tiny in the gloom. She had been so scared, felt so alone even surrounded by people she cared for and knew cared for her. She could tell herself she hadn't _really _wanted her mom in that one terrible moment when Zuko's agony had made the very rock beneath her feet scream, but it would be a lie.

"Yes!" Even now he was so frustrated! He was attached…he had earthly attachments that he didn't want to get rid of because he felt a piece of himself would die. It wasn't fair that _he_ had to give up _everything _that could ever make him happy because of this war. It wasn't fair that the whole world was counting on him for balance. 'That's what got me in trouble in the first place…if I hadn't left…' He swallowed. He was always running away and it would always hurt those he cared about. 'Monk Gyatso…' "I do know…I just…" If he couldn't trust one of his closest friends to his secret how could he expect to win a war?

"Then prove it…tell me what's so terrible that it makes you lose control of yourself!" The earthbender listened to her own shout ring through the temple air. Spirits, Aang was the _Avatar_! Power raged inside him like storm water held back by a child's stick and sand dam! He could split continents if he so chose, stop volcanoes, call up hurricanes and harness the very gods of the ocean herself to defeat a ten score of Fire Navy ships! If he couldn't _control _himself it would spell the end for all of them.

"Katara." Toph let the whisper sink into the empty place, absorb this one secret into a hundred years of dust, and waited. She had known Aang liked the waterbending master…but she had not known to what depths he cared for her, what it could do to his bending.

"So a girl's got you so worked up you can't bend straight?" It wasn't really funny but Toph really knew no other way. 'If it could cause something like…'

"Shut up!" She thumped him once, hard on the back.

"I'm just joking with you Twinkletoes."

"Don't tell anybody."

"Then tell me everything…why do you have to stop loving on Sugar Queen?" She tossed the stick she was using into the fire with a deft flick, imagining she was pitching her frustrations into the flames to burn.

"It blocks my chakra…I need to let go of all earthly attachments in order to attain the Avatar State…that's why I can't channel lightning…because I'm," he waved his hands in the air in front of him to illustrate crudely, forgetting Toph couldn't really see because it was so easy to, "conflicted…" Lively sparks were swept towards the vaulted ceiling with the heat and he watched them burn out to grey ash. "I did it once…under the city…"

"So what's the problem now?"

"I don't think I can do it again…I don't want to do it again. I've lost so much…my whole family-I shouldn't have to give up this one too." It was a heavy statement and one that Toph felt she couldn't argue with without resorting to the same words he had already heard over and over again. 'But this is war…sacrifices…yadda yadda.'

"I…" She had nothing.

"I know." And he did. Night deepened and the various insects of summer chirped and trilled out of sight. From somewhere in the darkness Momo swooped in, curling around Aang's bald head, crawling down his shirt to lie in his lap. The airbender scratched the long ears with one finger. Toph sighed stoically and he looked at her, startled.

"I wish Zuko's uncle was here…he'd know what to say…"

About what?"

"Girls." Surprised, Aang laughed and Toph smiled. Maybe just for tonight they could be the children they were supposed to be.

O.O

Days passed in an agonizingly slow crawl. Katara continued to heal during nighttime hours and into the morning while Sokka continued his daily vigil. Aang had yet to visit his firebending teacher again instead spending his days training with Toph and avoiding firebending completely. Zuko slipped in and out of consciousness, never reaching the level of awareness he had achieved that first time she had heard him crying beyond the threshold of his door, oblivious of anything besides the burning pain of his body and boiling heat of his fever for several days. Katara didn't want to talk about it but her own weakness in the face of the exiled prince's agony made her stomach twist. They didn't even have any herbs to take some of his pain away. He just had to bear it-not that she cared! He came from a long line of monsters and mother stealers…but to watch it happen in front of her was another matter entirely. She was a _child_! What if she couldn't save him? There was no hiding from the parchment-pale face, the breathy whispers and pleas for his uncle, for _his _mother to comfort him, the strangled apologies formed in a tight raw throat, the _almost _lucid gold gaze lingering on her long hair a question _'mother?'_ in their glazed depth. Zuko's body wasted in front of her, the energy she coaxed from his still living cells using up any reserves he had left and there was no way for her to feed him. A bit of broth was the most she had managed and even that he fought like a bitter poison. She recalled with a shudder him choking on it and having to bend it out of him.

Aang never came.

Even Toph, harsh, brash Toph visited Zuko. After Katara had come back to herself following the first tense healing session in the fountain she realized what Toph had felt most in those moments was fear. A cloying terror that had made those sightless mint eyes go wide and watery and caused tiny, dirty fingers to fist so resolutely in sweaty soot-stained hair as if she could hold his spirit there herself. He had _burned _her _feet_, took away her _sight_! Zuko had deeply harmed this little sister of the mud and dust that Katara had come to rely on so easily. And Toph had forgiven that transgression as though it had never happened at all! Now she too sat with the firebender for long moments in twilight hours, his hold on life was so tenuous it was unsafe to leave him alone. The earthbender would sit with him, fingers lightly resting on his healed chest, occasionally thumping expertly on his hollow ribcage to break up congestion only she could "see" through his stone bed, caused by an infection so deep in his scorched arms that sometimes Katara thought he would just up and die to spite her. It was Toph who told her that his fever had climbed so high at one point it had rendered his trembling muscles still, breath so shallow it was barely there, heart rhythm pounding and irregular. Toph had demanded, with one hand firmly closed on his wrist's fluttering pulse-point, his heart sobbing a feeble cadence through his veins, that his core be packed in ice until the danger passed. Her family had rallied around the enemy so naturally, so quickly, that it left the waterbender reeling.

But it was Sokka, putting forth so much effort…being so _so _gentle with the injured youth, that left Katara feeling so unbelievably jealous. His healing was true and honest…nothing like her bending had become. Yes, she could remove these wounds but it was her brother standing vigil at her patient's bedside, her brother the _healer _soothing wounds she saw fit to irritate on purpose when the ugly hate rose in her heart and filled her mouth with ash. When had she stopped being the waterbender that had tried to help her _enemy's _uncle? She watched her brother talk softly with Zuko in his nightmares when the dreams turned violent and transformed Sokka into someone or maybe even something else. She watched those strong brown fingers gently ease snow into the firebender's mouth over and over again to stave off dehydration, kind hands support a head whose neck was too weak to support itself when a coughing fit left him breathless and gasping, _succeed _in helping him sip lukewarm tea or broth when it seemed he was cognizant enough, gingerly rewrap raw limbs in healing salve and bandages, dip cloth after cloth into a basin of ice-cold water and lay it on a blazing forehead even when Zuko's tossing knocked it off again and again. She watched her own brother place a gentle, friendly palm against hot fever-parched skin, clucking his tongue in annoyance of a temperature refusing to abate. Never did he lose patience with the firebender, never did he talk of old losses, and never did he remind Zuko what a monster his people were. A warrior of the water tribe playing nursemaid to the enemy of his people and he took it upon himself like a second skin, one he was _glad_ to wear.

It incensed her.

O.O

It was just before noon on the fourth day after the accident when Zuko opened bleary amber eyes and stared, blinking, into Sokka's worried face with more than a trace of recognition.

"Hey…" Zuko thought it sounded almost like a sigh of relief. "Had us worried there, Jerkbender…" The warrior tossed the cold cloth back into the basin of water with a soft splash that startled the banished prince. "Thirsty? Katara made snow…it's what we've been giving you…want some?"

"Ye-" Zuko's throat felt dry as dust and sore, his voice cracked and he coughed harshly.

"It's okay, here." Something cold and wet brushed his lips and he felt icy water trickle down his throat. "How are you feeling?"

'Useless…weak…' "I've been better…" He was surprised by his own voice, a shadow of what it usually was, trembling with hurt and breathy with exhaustion.

"You've been pretty sick." Matter of fact. "Want some tea?" Zuko shifted his head slightly, trying to indicate no but only managed to make himself feel nauseous. He tried to push it aside with the rest of his discomfort.

"Is everyone…'l…right?" He was fading fast…so tired…still in so much pain, his tongue felt like it filled up his whole mouth. When he had been trapped in the heat of his nightmares a soothing coolness would wash away the fiery heat and caress him into somewhat restful sleep. His own longing for what he assumed were Katara's healing abilities made him feel intense shame and he also feared acutely what would happen once he saw her again. He could only imagine how angry she was, this was his fault, and he had placed their lives in horrible jeopardy. Soon he would have to face that. Dizziness swept through him, sending the ceiling spinning around, even though he was lying perfectly still. Hopefully not too soon…

"Yep…you did some pretty fancy bending back there and saved our butts." Eyes he hadn't notice drift close fluttered open when he felt Sokka's hand come to rest easily, as if he'd done it many times, on his sweaty forehead, surprising Zuko into more alert wakefulness with the touch. "Fever seems to have broken...mostly gone." The water tribe boy muttered to himself and withdrew his palm, satisfied for the moment. "Thanks…for doing that-I know you didn't have to." 'Save her.'

"…I couldn't…" His voice died in his throat, dried up to nothing. 'Couldn't what? Couldn't let them get burned…' More snow, cold and relieving against his fiery shame. Agni, he felt so stupid and useless. If he was stronger he'd blush…or maybe he was and it was thankfully hidden under his already red cheeks. Or maybe Sokka understood what he was feeling. The warrior had a horrible knack for being able to read him and had accommodated for Zuko's stunted emotions on more than one occasion. It was…unnerving.

"It's okay…I know you probably feel sick and your arms still hurt…just take it slow and easy."

"…I didn't want you to get burned…" Zuko grit his teeth. Burning was painful…and it left scars. These people…his tentative _friends_…he couldn't let that happen.

"I don't think you'll scar…" Said softly, it was like this Water Tribe warrior could read his mind. "Your chest didn't at least and your arms look much better. Katara's doing great…it's just taking longer because they were so bad."

"…Have you been…sitting with me…?" Zuko couldn't guess for the life of him what had possessed the Water Tribe warrior to play caretaker.

"Yeah, battling that fever, but I think it's gone now…Katara said she wiped out the infection."

"…Burns 'r bad that way…'fection…fast…" He cursed his voice…tiny and weak.

"You're tired. You should get some more rest." Sokka smiled, it reached tired eyes, relieved that Zuko was finally responding to their ministrations, and the firebender managed a small, crooked grin, eyes already closed and sleep already beckoning.

"…Sounds good…'n thank you…" Sokka grinned again even though he knew the prince could not see it and closed his hand around the bandaged wrist, gently applying soft pressure.

"You're welcome, Zuko."


	5. Chapter 5

It was almost sunset. Katara had just began her healing session and Zuko's fire-bright eyes watched her every move, propped up against several pillows, still unable to support his own weight for any length of time, fascinated by what she was doing, at what this water could do. The remaining burns were slowly diminishing, leaving behind smooth, pale skin in the cool liquid's wake. If this war hadn't been happening…would his face…? If this war hadn't been happening would his father have even needed to teach him a lesson? The lingering congestion caused Zuko to cough weakly into his shoulder leaving his arms burning and a persistent, deep ache in his chest. He was in no danger but it was also no fire festival picnic.

Katara grunted as he shifted, pained, under her touch. It was difficult to work ahead of the building scar tissue, even if she had managed to rid his body of the infection, every passing day became that much tougher, but despite what she had said before to Sokka she didn't want Zuko's arms to be scarred…she didn't want the reminder of just how great a debt she owed him. And spirits, it was even harder with him watching her! The firebender still spent most of the day and night sleeping, why wasn't he asleep now? She was glad when the inquisitive gaze slid away to stare at the low ceiling. 'Good.' Relative silence passed between the two of them. Every once in a while Zuko would hiss through his teeth and take a sharp intake of breath when the water pressed too deep. As shameful as Katara knew it was, she would force the water deeper and find herself rewarded with a pair of glittering eyes and healing water tainted by her negative emotions. He would tremble then and force himself back under fragile control, hot sweat streaking down his face, dripping off his chin. Zuko had little enough strength as it was and pretending he didn't ache all over took much of it from him. His breath was shallow and fast, shaking in time with his body until he managed the new pain-pain the waterbender inflicted for no other purpose than her wounded pride.

Part of Katara hated what she had become, remembered how calm and kind her brother's hands were on the enemy's hot, dry skin. How patient, how soothing his voice had been as he charmed tea and broth into the ailing firebender. Her memories betrayed her and flashed Zuko, pale, feverish, trembling, crying before her eyes. The other part, the darkest part of her she kept hidden from the others, the part that wanted to _be _the cause of _his _pain, whispered in her ear, poisonous. 'He deserves it."

"How is Aang?" It was breathless and strained and she hated it, his voice, harsh and dry and always angry…something that had sparked fear in her the day he'd appeared at her village, the day he'd ripped apart Sokka's hard work like a turtleseal breaching thin ice and reminded them all just how vulnerable they were, how their already fragile existence could be threatened so easily by these warriors of black and red. "Is he all right?" The cooling water withdrew sharply, leaving fire in its wake.

"You don't have the right to ask." She ground out filled with a hot flush of anger, abruptly standing and flinging the used water onto the stone floor. Katara watched it spread along the avenues, darkening the cracks and fissures that marked the passage of time in this cold, dead place. "After all you put us through, you don't." Eyes as blue as the summer sky tracked the wet, the walls, anywhere but where she knew she'd find a sense of sympathy so familiar it filled her vision with scorching tears.

"I didn't mean-"

"Yes, you did!" He winced. "I _gave_ you a chance, I _gave_ you my trust!" Hot angry tears welled in her eyes as she met his and Zuko's face contorted into the demon she knew him for and she cursed her lack of control. "I felt for you…and you…and I…" She covered her face with both clammy hands and dragged her fingers through her tangled brown hair. 'I thought we were the same…'

"Katara-" He lurched forward in an attempt to get up, to do what he didn't know, and only succeeded in making his head swim as he fell back, reeling, against the pillows with a palm pressed tightly to his forehead, gazing through fog into angry blue pools.

"Shut up! Just shut up and leave me alone." She ran, not looking back, she couldn't meet those understanding eyes again, those eyes filled with pain caused by her own bending, and not until she came to the fountain and fell to her knees in front of the water did she stop moving. 'I won't cry-I'll be angry-but I won't cry. Not anymore.'

A hand rested hesitantly on her taut shoulder. Sokka. She knew without looking what she would see should she choose to face him. More sympathy tinged with the deep shadows of sorrow, tired, sad eyes rimmed with bruised skin speaking of days gone without sleep. Speaking of days doing a job she could barely bring herself to do.

"You should be sleeping…" She scrubbed her face roughly with a palmful of icy water bent from the source in front of her.

"Katara?" He spoke as though the sound of his voice would shatter her, softly, warily.

"I hate him. And his stupid nation. They took-they _stole_ mom, Sokka." 'They stole his mom too…' She squashed the thought like she had squashed those funny, foreign purple berries in the Fire Nation, though perhaps not as easily. 'I _will_ not feel for him…I _will _not waste anymore on _them_!'

"I know."

"How can you stand to look at him?" Her hands fisted in her dress. "After what he did to us? How can you stand to be near him? How could you stand to take care of him like that? Touch _him _like that?" 'Like he could ever be one of us!'

"He didn't take mom, Katara."

"He might as well have." Sokka's wide back, when had it become so broad? It was all Katara could see it before her eyes, bent over the prone Fire Nation warrior, caring gently for someone that could, would, never care for anyone else. She was so angry…so irrationally angry. The water in the fountain whorled darkly in the basin, slopping over the sides and turning to ice as it smacked into the stone with a loud echoing slap-crackle. Katara could not understand how her world had changed so drastically, so quickly. It _hurt_ that her friends sided with this stranger, it blinded her and sent searing, raging blood pumping fast through her aching heart and singing through her veins to grow cold in the lonely pit of her stomach.

And she was alone. More alone than she had ever felt before-more _alone_ than she could stand for much longer without breaking as completely and violently as a glacier during a thaw.

"I'm worried about you…"

"I'm just tired…" The young warrior fixed his gaze on the falling water, flicking to the sheeting icy mirrors that reflected his sister's stormy, vacant eyes.

"Not that…there's anger inside of you…and I'm afraid you're going down a dangerous path, one I can't protect you from." A scoff. Hate poured from her mouth like blood from a scalp wound.

"I don't need protecting, Sokka! And of course I'm angry-how can you expect me not to be?" She clung to the fury like a protective skin, smoothing it over herself like a soft fur. It would never abandon her. Her anger would never sympathize with the enemy; she could clutch it, take comfort in its raw heat even though it would never truly warm her.

"You can't blame Zuko for what his father and grandfather chose for him and his people…"

"His people?" She was quiet, churning with silent rage. "We're going to allow him to become Fire Lord just to watch him betray us again and make the same choices as his father."

"Katara!" Sokka was beyond mere worry now. Of course he had known his mother's death had taken a heavy toll on his sister's heart but now he no longer could tell what she was thinking. Where his kind sister's soul had once survived, fierce ire dwelled in its place. The warrior could not even remember the last time a pure smile had graced her face, reaching her sparkling sea-touched eyes. He had seen spite, that mocking grin reserved only for the banished Prince. She was so quick to lash Zuko with her tongue, sharp angry words that drew blood she could not or would not see.

"It's true! You can't defend him!" She turned to face her brother, a torrent of emotion tearing her apart inside. "He's struggled with the right choice in the past! How can you expect this time to be any different?" His mouth was a grim line, hers a defiant snarl. "Don't ask me to do the impossible…I'll heal him…but I can't, I _won't_ trust him." Sokka was quiet, contemplative and sad at the vitriol pouring out of his precious little sister.

"It could have been all of us…hurt like that…or worse."

"It could have been none of us if he hadn't insisted on teaching lightning to Aang!" He grasped her shoulders tightly, forcing her to look him in the eye.

"We don't have time for this anymore!" His words rose in a crescendo of tidal force. "We don't have time for Aang to run and hide every time something like this happens! He is the Avatar and this is _war_!" His sister's eyes went wide. "People are _dying_, _we_ could all die! We need all the help we can get!"

"Sokka…" He lowered his voice to a grating whisper in her ear as he pulled Katara into a fierce, desperate hug.

"Zuko didn't have to save us." 'You.' "He could have let us die. Instead he almost killed himself to protect us. That _means_ something to me and it should mean something to you." She pulled away filled with confusion and angry heartache. For so long now he had been the reason they suffered…his bad choices had caused her so much pain, the face of the enemy was always his face and it was impossible for her to accept that this time he might have really changed for the better. Too hard to accept that maybe he really had realized that his destiny was to help Aang and not destroy him. Too hard to trust _him_.

"I need to think about this…"

"Your heart will tell you what is right, Katara…I know my loving, compassionate little sister is still inside you somewhere…" Sokka hugged her again, gently. 'I just hope she finds her way back to me…'

"I'll be back soon…" He let her go then watching her ward away a chill that had nothing to do with the air by rubbing her arms. More and more Sokka felt himself being filled with frustration. Everything was falling apart around him. Aang was losing it over firebending, his sister was turning into another victim of this war…his father was in prison and instead of going after him himself he had to depend on Haru to do it. He'd felt this way before when he'd been unable to help the other benders put out that massive fire. He'd accepted that he couldn't bend…but to accept that he had to sit here and watch his family fall to pieces around him was another matter entirely.

"Who's there…?" Zuko's voice, strained, working hard to muster up some volume. When had his feet carried him here?

"Just me."

"Oh…" Sokka entered the room and sat tiredly beside the reclining youth on Katara's vacated stool, massaging his neck. Red-rimmed gold eyes flicked towards the water warrior, taking in his slumped shoulders and stricken half-lidded gaze. "…Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"Honestly…not very tired, you?" No answer. Zuko didn't have the strength to admit his weakness right now. "Feeling useless, huh? Me too." The firebender's eyes widened. How'd he keep doing that?

"…Yeah…you know, I am…" The firebender admitted as he blinked hard, his voice was still weak, skin clammy and pale with effort and Sokka had a feeling he was beating himself up over what had happened earlier with Katara. 'He's still exhausted, he _needs_ to rest.' But Sokka knew he was also feeling guilty. "…I'm sorry about your sister…I didn't mean to upset her…" and it was true. Zuko was so _sorry_ for everything he had done, for everything his family, his people had done to the other nations. The burden was so heavy now that he had finally accepted its weight. It was crushing him already, what did it matter if he added Katara's pain to his substantial cargo?

"I know…and she knows it too…she's just…" Sokka sighed heavily, rubbing tiredly at his eyes with the side of his hand.

"Angry."

"Yeah…"

"I don't blame her."

"Well, she needs to stop blaming you. Hating you and your people isn't going to end this war…or bring mom back…" He slammed the side of his fist against the wall, surprising both of them. "I'm just so frustrated! I have to sit here and let Haru go off and save everyone! I have to stay here and plan for whatever might come next." Cradling his now throbbing hand he glared sideways at the spilled water soaking into the stone. "And I just don't know what that is…" Zuko was quiet. They were just a band of children and teenagers trying to fix something that had stretched over generations. How could they compete with that? 'With hope…' He knew, Uncle had always told him that. Standing together and remaining strong. Overcoming a hatred that spanned entire nations. Sokka had done it…had accepted him into the group even after being chased all over the world, even after he had attacked his village, destroyed his home by ramming a ship into its fortifications, meager though they had been.

"I'm sorry about your wall…" The warrior blinked. And then blinked again, suddenly laughing so hard he was crying.

"Hahaha, my, my, ha!" Sokka held his cramping sides so utterly surprised when Zuko began to chuckle as well.

It hurt but he couldn't stop. Everything had been so tense and the past week had been so horrible he couldn't help saying something so stupid and couldn't stop laughing because of it. Sokka wiped the tears out of his eyes and breathed deep, letting Zuko compose himself.

"…haven't laughed like that in a long time…"

"I thought I'd forgotten how to laugh…" A yawn escaped before Zuko could stop it, eyes already drifting shut with Sokka following suit. A contentedness was seeping through them both, their time spent reflecting with each other left them feeling warmed through and just a bit less hopeless.

"Yeah, I'm tired, gonna get some sleep…you should too." The exhausted youth was finally one step ahead of him.

O.O

"Just leave me alone, Toph…"

"You can't keep doing this." Anger rolled through Katara like a wave breaking on Kyoshi Island's shore.

"Don't you dare tell me what I can and can't do!" 'Why does everyone care about _him_?' When had she become this way? "I'm sorry…I know you just want to help…" The waterbender sat herself down at the edge of the precipice and stared down below into a forest so green with shadows deepened and made rich by the falling twilight it was as though it had been painted by a brush. Still, after all this time the vast color of the world beyond her home seemed magical even when compared to the ethereal northern lights. Most of her knowledge of color was built on blue ocean water, white ice of the flows and red blood of fresh kills. Distracted as she was by the view her companion's voice startled her.

"It's okay to be mad." Her blind stare made Katara's skin crawl even though her words were kind. Though blind, Toph's eyes never failed to pin-point a person's insecurities and she was never ashamed of telling you exactly how she felt about those uncertainties. "I get mad all the time." Katara had a feeling that Toph knew quite well that her anger was not the only problem, that it was her flowering hatred of a whole nation coupled with burning internal conflict that fueled her actions towards Zuko when in reality Toph was nothing but right. Considering how he, how the whole Fire Nation was raised, could she really blame them for not stepping forward and ending this war? She could not fathom the amount of fear Zuko's people lived in from day to day, the fear of disappearing by the Fire Lord's hand at any moment on a whim…or perhaps even less. Katara knew, truly _knew _after living in the very nation she had come to despise, the propaganda that filled the everyday lives of millions of people, that many of them simply did not _know_. Hadn't she spent time in Ba Sing Se where there was no war? People disappeared there and returned changed, their very being stripped from them forcibly in interrogation. Hadn't she seen Jet fall? Hadn't it been enough?

"I need to think. I just…I just _need_ to _think_ for one minute without being reminded about what he did for us!" Her stony glare was lost on the blind girl. "You all think I don't know! That I don't know that if he hadn't bent that explosion we'd be dead! I know! I, I…I know, okay?" She folded her hands in her lap, lacing the nut brown fingers together in the blue expanse. "I've seen him manipulate us before and from what I've seen of his family…" Toph sat beside her in the dust, swinging bare feet back and forth, changing the face of the structure with her bending almost absently, her head cocked to one side, listening, waiting for Katara to speak again. After several long minutes the water bender inhaled deeply, paused a second more and released her words into the cooling hours of dusk. "He was so scared, wasn't he, Toph." Perhaps three parts statement, one part question. "He…Zuko really thought we were going to get hurt. He wanted to stop us from being scarred like him…didn't he?" Toph waited; sure she was going to say more. "Could you feel it? Through your bending, I mean." The Blind Bandit sucked in a breath between clenched teeth as she remembered his pounding heart and trembling, pain-filled stance, his determination and his very real fear.

"He was very afraid." Katara thought about the diplomacy of that statement. Clearly if she wanted to know more she would have to ask him because Toph wasn't revealing his secrets.

"I don't think I've ever seen him scared." Toph bit back a scathing remark, but barely. 'Do people who can see spend all day walking around with their eyes closed?'

"Sometimes you have to know where to look…when it's a guy like Zuko." She fell back into the rock and crossed her arms behind her head. "Sparky likes to keep that kind of stuff to himself. It doesn't do anyone any good if they can see your weaknesses…he told me once."

"It would do me good if he just acted like a normal person."

"He's a prince." Katara started and looked at her reclining companion, feeling as though hearing it out loud slipped the last puzzle piece into place.

"What?"

"He was raised to rule, Sugar Queen. He's not a _normal_ person." Toph popped herself upright with some rock, smoothed it down with a fluid push and headed back towards the fountain without another word leaving the waterbender alone in the dark with this new and strangely heavy thought.

_He's not a normal person._ It seemed to echo all around her and what had once been the wide open glorious world seemed small and cramped and dark. Katara felt trapped with a fact she had known all along and finally been forced to face.


	6. Chapter 6

Character thoughts now in _italics_! Thanks for the suggestion Somariel!

O.O

Night withdrew her chilly embrace, giving way to the between hours of dark and light allowing sunbeams to creep furtively through the hills and burn away the mist clinging to the trees like spider silk in a candle's flame. Zuko rose with it for the first time in days and Agni's glow filled him with a strength he had been longing to know again. He swung his feet over the side of the bed, planting them firmly on cool stone, all traces of pain having fled with the dawn. It left him feeling renewed and alive and anxious to be out of bed considering the only instance he'd been out of bed was when Sokka bundled him in a blanket after the fever broke and sat him on the stool so he could change the sheet. No one would be awake this early save for Katara who would undoubtedly be starting breakfast and if he snuck by it would be safe to run some katas.

Zuko paused, running a calloused palm lightly along the expanse of his arm, settling warmly on his smooth chest, feeling the thrumming warmth of blood pulsing beneath the whole, unblemished skin. Unbidden, the fingers of his other hand found the rough, ugly scar on his face and he closed his eyes against it. He owed Katara so _much_ and she didn't even know or care to.

The firebender dressed, bouncing on the balls of his feet, relishing a clear head and regained balance as he tied his sash and practically ran from the room. He stopped, slightly winded, he tried not to dwell hard on it, and edged past Katara's turned back. As he had thought she was engaged with bending something bubbling before her, familiar smell wafting his way and making his stomach growl. But there would be time for food later. All Zuko wanted to do right now was _move_! He slipped like a catowl through the shadows with just a touch less than his normal grace.

Katara glanced up at a soft scuffling out of place with the most recent waking sounds of the temple behind her and knew what she would see before she turned her head and caught just the barest glimpse of red and gold round the corner to the hall leading to their training area. Inwardly she was glad Zuko felt well enough to surreptitiously glide past her as he had used to do before the accident, but the waterbender also felt a twinge of worry deep in her chest and struggled with it. Since speaking with Toph she had tried to view Zuko as someone raised to take his father's place. She allowed herself to become lost in the rhythmic sweeping for some time, focusing strongly on her thoughts.

_He's just going to hurt himself._ Katara stood abruptly, dousing the fire underneath the pot so the jook wouldn't scald, and headed towards the crumbling arena.

O.O

Hot, bright flame scorched the dry earth in a crescent and burned itself out around him as he swung his body sinuously through the low kick. What started as a dry run of some simple forms had given way to a violent display of raw, unfettered emotions and sweat streamed down his limbs and face, evaporating in the heat of his bending. Zuko's vision swam like heat shimmer in the desert playing visions of his cruel sister's twisted feral grin, Mai reading his letter, his disappointed Uncle, a wounded Aang, sullen Katara…but he forced himself to keep moving, working all his frustration and anger into training. He knew this…he could _do _this and nobody was around to tell him to stop or remind him of his failures. It was reckless-Zuko knew that too, but he wouldn't make his body stop. Not until he was so fatigued his thoughts would stop plaguing him. The blaze raged around him, as comforting as his mother's touch had been, as warm as his Uncle's laughter, and still his contemplations plagued him. Why couldn't he accept that Katara hated him? Why did it hurt so much? He was no stranger to being hated but _her _hatred made his heart clench with emotion. He had found an ally in those eerie caverns and like everything else in his life he had ruined it. Why couldn't he be better with people and fit in? Why had his _family_ destroyed a whole people? Why was he so _bad _at being good? Zuko punctuated each thought with another blow; fire erupted from his hands and colored the stone black. He was pushing himself far past his limit but he had to drown out the voices with firebending's roar.

_Nephew…_

_That's who you are Zuko…_

_I'll make sure your destiny ends…_

_ZuZu…_

_Jerkbender…_

"Stop!"

Katara had little knowledge of what she would find when she located her quarry but this was far from what she expected. Not three days ago the exiled prince had been languishing in the throes of a torrid fever. She had doubted his ability to even bend when he had stolen past her not even an hour ago. But this. He was a beast possessed and she knew he had no awareness of her presence or his bending would never be so raw. Whenever she had dealt with him before he had always been poised, tightly measured, his proud breeding betraying him even when groveling before her feet, flash-bang temper thinly veiled with regality though so easily set off. Now he was completely out of control, his fire burning more brightly, more dangerously than she had ever seen it, but her practiced eyes took in the signs of flagging strength: quivering legs, panting breath, sweat streaming in rivers down a pale, hard jaw. _Why is he doing this to himself? _It was unexpected, this thought, why did she care was closer to the heart of what she wanted to ask herself. Katara had wanted to turn away, to leave him to his own senseless devices but instead had called out in a voice very unlike her own, surprising the both of them equally.

Zuko paused mid-strike, chest heaving and face streaked with dark soot and sweat, eyes wild and wide with disbelief, animal in his thin face. He dropped his trembling arms as he turned to look for the voice and found a figure of blue walking towards him angrily, aggravation written in the taught line of her body, hands fisted loosely in a skirt of sky. "…Katara?"

"What do you think you're doing?" She stopped several feet away and stared, ocean touched gaze reflecting worry and something else he couldn't place. Zuko swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat, trying to calm his breath and stand without swaying. He hadn't noticed how dizzy he'd become. He didn't even know how long he had been out here but the sun had traveled quite far across the pale cerulean sky. "You're going to land yourself right back in bed!" The ice-bright stare narrowed and Katara frowned spectacularly as only she could.

"I…I…was…" He couldn't take anymore of her disgust, not right now, not when he was suddenly so weary. _Don't! _Zuko flinched as she reached towards him and took an unsteady step backwards. "I…"

"Stop this…" her voice softened just a little at the poorly concealed distress in his eyes, "you're still recovering." Katara moved towards him again, somehow concerned by the red flush dusting his cheeks. "Let me help you back to bed." Almost gentle, as though she was approaching a wounded mooselion. Zuko blinked once, confused by her offer. _What?_ His last thought before melted gold rolled up into his skull and he slumped boneless towards the battle scarred rock. It was all Katara could do to get her arms around him and prevent his head from cracking into the stone. She sat there on the black, scoured ground, his upper body a warm heavy bulk in her lap, and brushed his slick hair away from his closed eyes before settling the roving fingers on his unscarred cheek. A smell, like fire and ash, filled her nose and mouth, cloying, reminding her of black snow and screams. With effort she pushed the visions aside and glanced down at her burden. _He's too warm. _She could feel it in the palm of her hand as it cupped his face and the tops of her thighs through her clothing and his. Ocher flickered through ink-dark lashes as he swam back towards consciousness and tracked her face, no recognition present under his bleary scrutiny.

"I told you," she said tartly, withdrawing her hand and heaving him forward. His body listed, lightheaded and hot, where he sat. "You should know not to push yourself so hard…" Zuko struggled to listen but her voice sounded so far away, muffled, almost like she was speaking to him through the steel hull of his old ship. He blinked sluggishly against eyelids lined with lead. While taking a shuddering breath he heard her stand through the deafening throb of his own blood in his ears, vaguely aware of her stalking around to his front to look down at him. Zuko expected her to leave him there in the cold sunlight but instead she heaved a sigh laden with exasperation-the tone usually reserved for Sokka-and gripped him around the middle with one arm to yank him to his shaking legs so fast it made his head spin and nausea grip him in its unyielding fist. Blood drained from his already pale face as it fell heavily against her shoulder and he felt clammy.

"…don't feel well…" Bare more than a soft exhale against her neck. The waterbender paused, briefly stunned by this admission of vulnerability. Zuko had never complained before, not even when she knew he was in terrible pain. He sagged, an odd sound in his throat, eyes sliding shut, almost pulling her down with him, before she hitched him up, hiding her curiosity, her concern, with biting commentary instead.

"Hey! Don't fall over or I'll have to get Sokka! Wouldn't that be embarrassing?" Zuko didn't have the presence of mind to be shamed he was so focused on maintaining his feet. "Training for hardly an hour and look at you." The waterbender started forward, contempt painting her face unkindly, and he stumbled. "Come on, you're going back to bed so keep up." She waited for his first unsteady steps. "Keep up," she repeated, pulling his arm over her shoulder and hoisting him straighter.

Together they made slow progress and by the time they'd made it back to his hallway Katara was coaching him through each step, being as calm and kind as she was able, very aware of his struggling wheeze, reminiscent of the congestion from the infection, and too-prominent ribs digging into her hold like bone handles. He was trembling from effort and growing heavier by the moment, unable to support himself for much longer. They were rooms away from sanctuary when his legs betrayed him, powerless to take another step.

"…Stop…stop…" The ground and sky were reeling and he was sure he was going to be sick from the throbbing in his temples. The plea in his raspy voice repulsed her. He had always been stronger, better than this.

"Just giving up then?" The bitterness in her voice was unmistakable, replacing the encouragement from not a moment ago, but it was her words that sent an electric shock through his body. _No...never... _

Zuko was completely spent, fever burning him up even as she deposited him onto the bed. With an intensely concentrated effort Zuko pulled one leg laboriously onto the mattress and lay there, panting short and shallow, eyes half-lidded and unfocused.

Katara left him for a brief moment to retrieve some water in a basin and cooled it with waterbending before dipping a folded cloth left behind by her brother. She watched it soak for an instant before wringing out the excess between her hands and smoothing it onto his forehead above closed eyes. The firebender shivered reflexively before settling into a troubled doze. Katara sighed and heaved his other leg onto the bed noticing he was soaked with sweat. With a flourish she bent it from his clothes and carried the mess outside, over the edge of the temple. Returning, she pulled the blanket up to his chin and sat down on the stool, trying to see what Sokka had seen but instead taking a moment to glance at her surroundings.

The room was Spartan but as an exile she supposed he had few possessions to speak of. Fingertips ghosted over the beautiful Fire Nation woman she knew must be his mother and came away clean, free of the ancient dust that hovered in the air and settled on every surface. Katara saw much of her in Zuko. She withdrew her hand and curled it into a fist in her lap to avoid lashing out at the simple frame. _This is foolish. Why am I even sitting here?_

"Nnn…Uncle…" a slurred, hoarse voice broke her concentration, saying other nonsensical things. Zuko struggled half-heartedly, ungainly beneath the coverlet as though the weight was crushing him. Katara leaned forward to hear, closing the distance between their faces. Vacant eyes brimming with black pupil lined with a thin ring of fire-bright iris snapped open so quickly she nearly fell off her seat in shock, sputtering dumbly.

"Zuko?"

"…Mom." She had never thought of his voice this way, like a warm wind whispering through winter boughs, full of hope, carrying sparks that spoke of _love _and _family_. Her heart nearly broke and her fingers found the pendant at her throat at the confirmation in that glassy, unguarded gaze and the trembling half-smile almost forming on dry, parched lips. For a brief second she wished for his sake it was true. Echoed in his face was all that she had ever felt in the loss of her own mother and she knew too well the pain that would follow when he realized his mistake. Tears welled like a tide in her eyes as Katara recalled acutely the swamp and the vision of her own mother therein. Had Zuko passed through that place in his pursuit of them? Had he seen _her_ there?

When realization finally dawned in his amber stare it was as a ship splintering against rocks. Zuko closed his eyes and took a shuddering gulp of air, as though he were drowning in it and for a long moment there was nothing.

Katara bristled at the sudden sound, a soft keening peal like that of a wandering sea bird, and almost felt she had no right hearing it. This was a private sound, a sound made when someone was trying not to be heard, one reserved for the solitude of empty nights and lonely rooms. To hear it coming from the throat of this firebender-turned-ally unnerved her in the very pit of her cold belly. And yet this was not the first time she had heard him reduced to such a state though perhaps now his reasons were altogether too similar to what led to her own nights spent sobbing in her sleeping skins. It sparked something akin to the feelings she had for Aang when he found Monk Gyatso, she was sharing the same moment and feeling the same intense sorrow. Gently she placed a hand on his face and wiped away the tears sweeping in a torrent down his unscarred cheek. They were cool compared to the living furnace of his body.

"Zuko…" the words she wanted to say were still stuck in her throat like burrs in Appa's pelt. All reassurances still blocked by what he was-once was. As much as she felt for him even now when he wasn't altogether sure who she was, just not his mother, or even where he was she was unable to step completely out of her prison. With great effort he sat up, folding in on his knees, face buried in his hands. His cries weren't loud, almost unnaturally quiet in fact, but his whole body quivered and shook like a leaf in a gale. The knot in Katara's throat grew. "Zuko, it, it's okay…" She moved her hand awkwardly along his spine in a way she hoped was soothing, embarrassed blush painting her face scarlet. "Shh…shhhh…" With speed and strength she didn't know he had left in him Zuko flung himself at Katara and wrapped hot limbs tight around her waist. His hands fisted in her dress and he clung to her desperately, sobbing loudly, openly now into her chest. Katara sat there on her stool dumbstruck with half a firebender's uncomfortable weight in her lap. She listened to the gut-wrenching sorrow; felt the heaving swallows of air entering his lungs, and knew the moment Zuko's pain overwhelmed her own heart was when she folded her arms slowly around the wretched body holding her so frantically.

She could give this to him, freely, in this moment where she knew in her head this was because of his fever and in her heart that he needed it. She would. He had never _had_ this, of that she was certain. Where Katara had her tribe, her father, her brother, Aang, even Toph…and while she was sure his uncle tried with all his heart, she was also sure Zuko had never allowed any comfort in this way.

After a time Zuko's fraught weeping ceased and Katara found he had fallen asleep where he sprawled, breathing deeply and easily. She brushed his forehead lightly, pleased to find his fever had lessened somewhat, and instead of withdrawing her hand carded her fingers through his untamed hair just once before easing his weight back onto the mattress. She tucked the blanket around him, replaced a fresh cold-cloth and stood, pausing before she left to stare at the relaxed curve of his cheek. Toph had been right…as she usually was, and Katara couldn't stop the vision of a small Fire Nation child entombed in a room of extravagant red filled with that keening cry, hiding from a family that would never understand.

O.O

Just wanted to take a moment to thank peeps for all the wonderful reviews! And to thank those who haven't reviewed for reading!

I know Katara has seemed quite…abrasive…although I'm going for conflicted. I'm drawing on her interactions with Zuko in the show, when she threatens him, teases him, scoffs at him. I believe his betrayal in the caverns, especially because it dealt with her mother, left a very deep, confusing wound. Losing her mother to the Fire Nation in that way would have been a very traumatic experience and using that against her, as she perceived it was under Ba Sing Se, would be the ultimate treachery, even more so than the attack on Aang. That being said she's not evil…just really, really at odds with herself and at heart she's a big softie. Hopefully Katara's acceptance of Zuko seems gradual as I'm confident her strong feelings are not something that would disappear overnight.

Anywho…thanks again for the support! Almost done!


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